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pagkain!!!!!!!!!! gutom ako.. hahaha.. just to change the headlines hahahah…

here i am,.. cant sleep dahil maghapon ko nanamang tinulugan ang mundo.. medyo obses na sa kakafriendster kasi wlang magawang matino.. but ive gone through sa mga updates and i saw one particular phase saying ‘happy ako" maybe he/she really didnt care about what is happening to our country like me hahaha.. pero kung iisipin mo, dapat ko na iyun isipin.. kase un na ang kinabukasan ko if i want to be so damn rich, which i ought not to be.. kasi ganun talaga ang life.. there will come a time that you’ll be overflowing sa mga blessings ni God and at times you can’t feel na un mga grace na binibigay niya.. maybe para satin it aint enough.. it will never be enough… for us to fill up our goals, wont be enough until we know how to be satisfied.. i believe i can be satisfied with what i have.. and sometimes i am glad and overjoyed sa mga blessings ni God sakin.. minsan nga lang i ignore him.. kasi sa mga desires natin.. i also believe na when you in the edge of something like sa plate.. you wont need to feel that way all the time.. minsan talaga psychological lang yan eh.. pati nga love minsan feeling ko psychological lang.. except sa family ko.. yun..tapos.. ewan talaga.. i really hate myself.. not really hate myself, pero nainis ako nun last plate namin di kasi ako ng panic masyado.. i watched steph and mai panicked for me.. hahah.. anyway.. how life works??  you can uplift your life with an inspiration.. which i dont have right now.. pass muna ako.. kakatapos lang un isa.. hahahah.. having an inspiration inspires you alot.. pero sa tingin ko di ata un nag work para sakin.. pero sa iba im sure posible un.. hahaha.. then.. and being depress can hurt you alot.. im an introvert pag dating sa mga nasasaktan na ako, un mga drama effects ba.. un lang talaga ako introvert kahit gusto ko maging introvert dun sa emotional ’sadness’ aspect lang.. pero un daily kaekekan ko.. hindi na all out war na.. haha.. you’ll know kapag badtrip ako.. malungkot(eto un hinanakit ek-ek).. masaya.. may topak( super ingay ko parang lasing, ayos ako.. di ko na kelanagn bote ng alchohol para malasing, it comes naturally) at tensed (sa mga plates)pero asan na ba ang topic ng how life works/??? how my life work.. madrama.. un lang.. in terms of friends kahit andami kong bagong aquaintances ngayon na nagpapakafriendly nalang ako which once i am..  first year.. then na stop un second year.. bakit nga ba?? ewan basta.. balik tayo sa topic.. in life you’ll find rejections that you wish you could have but reality doesnot permit you to be what you dream to be.. in short un mga napapaginipan mo hanggang sa panaginip nalang iyon.. khit anong gawin mo di mo makakamit.. pero pag nanyari yun just think of the people you have.. the unrecognized blessings you have i am sure na super dami nun.. in hardships naman.. malalim yun… define hardships.. kun saan mahirap right? hmm.. mahirap to ah.. at least kahit papaano you still have the opportunity of having simple pleasures .. anu yun?? basta manhid ka pag hindi mo alam.. like a simple smile that would make you smile.. mga ganung tipong.. hindi mo maintindihan pero nagbibigay saya.. ayun!!! kababawab un term.. basta.. mababaw lang ako.. asaran lang tayo masaya na ako.. ganung kasimple.. hapiness ika nga.. life is hapiness kahit sabihin mo pa na hindi mo gusto un ginagawa mo you’ll still end up ng kung anong para sayo.. ang mahirap lang sa atin di tayo patient.. sa mga pagdating ng mga bagay bagay un para sakin ay God’s will.. pero panu mo nga ba malalaman kun God’s will nga? di ko din alam ang kasagutan diyan eh.. im just letting God permit anything na according sa will niya.. kahit mahirap.. kahit matagal.. im sure at one point i’ll ask him.. kun kelan at bakit.. kahit di man sya sumagot ngayon.. baka bukas pa nya ako sasagutin kun bakit.. gets.?? malabo noh.. basta i have faith in him, i cant chose ksi i prefer the best which is his way.. maka-diyos ba ako?? oo pero minsan na neneglect.. pero im trying.. input lahat ng katangian nya kahit imposible.. at least im one step closer to him di ba?? ay!! naku!! may church tom.. i doubt kun makapunta pa ako dahil hindi ata ako magigising sa takdang oras.. pero i need to tryy.. see yah/.. gudienyt!!

bat naudlot un arki week??!!!! kainis!!!!!!!!!

it plays over and over
then it ends…
the sadness fill the heart
like an endless solitude
sorry was the only word i can find
reasons that cannot be worth an effort
with differences i cannot argue
i leave it to yesterday
having the gratitude and respect of knowing you
the fading sound kept me thinking
and before i knew it he stopped playing
the song ends there like it has never been played

yun kahapon eto ngayon.. dapat tulog na ako para sa patintero namin later pero eto ako..gising at di makatulog.. galing talaga ni tek.. napakamature in terms of relationship.. nakakapanghanga.. di kasi ako gaya nya.. baguhan palang pag sa pagibig.. hehehe.. yaw kong may masaktan dahi sakin pero kasalanan ko ba na wla sa kanya un gusto ko? un parang gusto mo un kakaibang dating, un hindi hanggang friends lang.. hay.. ang life napakasama.. di mo naman kayang paasahin dahil ayaw ko ngang mas masaktan pa.. kaya i gave up.. basta ill know nalang cguro pag andyan na un person talaga.. at kung wala naman ok din.. ive been entertaining those thoughts already .. tagal na pala.. kc, ang pihikan ko.. although manghihinayang ako pero ok lng.. kc kung hndi ko naman kayang mahalin kelangan ko bang pagdildilin un sarili ko sa kanya? i really dont know how love would come for me.. hmmm.. nu kaya?? may makaksabi b?? hay.. but lets stay on the positive side.. yung nalaman ko sana di ko nalang nalaman para ayos ba.. inocente parin un dating ko.. minsan prefer ko na wla ganung alam kesa meron.. bakit nga ba?? ewan .. basta.. gulo kasi ng mundo.. kaya lahat ng tao ay magulo.. thats my conclusion.. ang random naman ng pinagsasabi ko.. ayoko nang matapos ang arki week.. nakakatamad.. kainis.. hmmm… anu nga ba ang feeling ng in love?? hindi ko alam.. hay.. nakalimutan ko na.. wait, may minahal na ba ako?? yay.. ayoko na.. simple lang namn un gusto ko eh.. matino kausap pag ako hindi.. tahimik pero aktibo sa ng sports.. hindi matigas un ulo tska super pasensyoso.. hay.. pag nakita mo naman sya ang takot ko naman baka hindi ko sya mahalin ng todo.. un unconditional ba.. unpag ayaw nya na il give him up dahil gusto nya.. i’ll live for his happiness.. and il find my hapiness in other things nlang.. ng kung an0 ano.. yay.. mahaba na ba to?? at saka pls.. ayokong tinatawag akong bes modl na hindi naman kasi nagkataon lang.. di nga ako matino sa mga pics eh.. basta aun.. i’ve said my point sa lahat ng bagay na maisip ko.. till i find my unconditional love.. il be waitng pero pag hinde dumating hahanapin ko nalang sya sa langit.. haha.. corny ko talaga.. mana sa tatay kong corny.. hahaha..

hayy malapit na matapos ang arki week.. sana di na sya matapos! nakakainis naman kasi.. hassle na uli pag balik ng mga regular days.. nakakapagod nga pero enjoy naman… kasi madami tayong nakikita gaya ng mga crush mo.. hahahah… sayang nga lang im losing interest na sa mga crushes na andyan pa sa skul.. un wla un hinahanap ko.. parang kc sya ako.. feeling ko masayahin kasi sya at ma kwela.. basta.. got lots of views, lalo na sa mga hindi ko maintindihan na close kong people pero love ko cla kc friends ko cla.. ngyon ko lng narealize ah.. i really care for them.. between last week and this week.. i really meant no harm.. and i remember how i felt being rejected sa tingin ko.. though were friends, an cool nga eh,.. friends talaga.. khit minsan hope ko na sana theres more pero wla talaga.. i can sense it .. hahah.. pero ok lng.. its not the end of the world for me theres more to attend to.. tska cnu ba naman ako na may karapatan na guluhin sya at angkinin?! wla di ba… pero ok lng nga..i just pray the best for him and….. whella! sad pero tanggap ko.. hahaha… hirap talagang mabuhay kapag possessive ka.. aminado akong possessive ako.. paranoid pa nga minsan.. ang hirap makaclose sa person ng todo todo.. kasi ganun ako undivided attention un binibigay ko sa person i truly care about gaya ng mga bestfriends ko.. pero bat ganun.. im always the second best?! gnun b tlga un grade ko being a friend?? bat ba lagi nila akong pinagpapalit, mapa-friend man o bf un pagusapan.. mga hinanakit na di ko sinasabi.. mga iyak kong niluluha na wlang kabuluhan.. madrama ako, corny.. aminado ako…  di ako perfect… pero talaga bang gnun ang life ko?? pero ok lng.. buti nalang andyan si God kundi dati pa akong nag laslas.. haha.. suicidal daw ba?! hahaha.. pero im far from it.. and i love me.. and how i giv comfort sa mga pips na kelanagn me comfort.. hala.. pag umabot na kayo dito , lam nyo na mga hinanakit ko sa buhay…isa pa.. wla akong talento!!!!! un pagsasayaw sana pero gi-niv up ko na.. bakit?? ayaw ko lng sa kanila kc iba un culture nila sakin.. conserbatibo ako sila hinde ata.. khit anong gawin ko its part of me.. isa pang part of me.. straight forward ako.. kahit anong gawin ko pag decided na talaga straight to the point tlga ako.. unless unsure ako sa decision.. magulo diba?? gulo ko kc.. ganyan ako kagulo..

now you are here with me
but later you wont be
sitting beside you makes me satisfied
but when the day is over we are set apart
till the night becomes dawn i long to be with you
and a new day starts brightly to be with you

how i long for you mr.
where have you been
you’re more than what i wished you to be
i find beauty in you that i find you so alluring
i would love to stare at you all day
so that your every detail would remain in my head
i would cherish every moment together
you give me the ulimate joy of just being with you

i wish we could together count the stars
and last forever counting with you
i wish we could swim together
though i dont know how to swim
i know ill be safe with you
i wish we could camp on mountains
and get lost from the eyes of men
i wish we would be holding each others hands
every where we go till i die
i wish for us to be teasing each other
till we run out of years

i hate when the sun sets
it will be soon for us to be apart
darkness eats up the horizon
giving up to the night
"i love the way you make me smile,
oh how i wish a day with you never ends"
i am glad for now you are here with me.

this year will be over soon.. you smile would be definitely loved but soon to be forgotten.. long years of waiting knowing you became just a disaster i hopefully you would soon forget.. the shame i felt when you didn’t respond, when i felt that you not looking for me.. to start over would be hard.. seeing myself in you, jolly, and carefree.. love may come rarely and rejection seems to hurt.. i may not be ready for that now.. but ill be soon.. when i can  feel the spark.. then i’ll know.. but for now, im not heading for marriage.. im a weirdo.. im an art despising beauty.. ngek!hahaha

Bella Luna"

Mystery the moon
A hole in the sky
A supernatural nightlight
So full but often right
A pair of eyes a closin’ one
A chosen child of golden sun
A marble dog that chases cars
To farthest reaches of the beach and far beyond into the swimming sea of stars

A cosmic fish they love to kiss
They’re giving birth to constellation
No riffs and oh no reservation
If they should fall you get a wish or dedication
May I suggest you get the best
For nothing less than you and i
Let’s take a chance as this romance is rising over before we lose the lighting
Oh bella bella please
Bella you beautiful luna
Oh bella do what you do
Do do do do do

You are an illuminated anchor
Of leads to infinite number
Crashing waves and breaking thunder
Tiding the ebb and flows of hunger
You’re dancing naked there for me
You expose all memory
You make the most of boundary
You’re the ghost of royalty imposing love
You are the queen and king combining everything
Intertwining like a ring around the finger of a girl
I’m just a singer, you’re the world
All I can bring ya
Is the language of a lover
Bella luna, my beautiful
How you swoon me like no other

May I suggest you get the best
Of your wish may I insist
That no contest for little you or smaller i
A larger chance happened, all them they lie
On the rise, on the brink of our lives
Bella please
Bella you beautiful luna
Oh bella do what you do
Bella luna, my beautiful
How you swoon me like no other, oh oh oh

i pray for stenght cause my heart is weak,

i have disapoint you more than i would be able to remember,

i dont want to think anyone but you..