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i was delivering my so-called greeting card since it was too late to give it on her birthday.. i was hoping to surprise her on the day itself.. i do plan yet uncertainty changes everything so my plan did not worked out as i planned. so i gave it the following day.. though i was disappointed for not being able to give it as i wan to, i just want to give it so as not to waste my efforts.. disappointed i drop off the card. but on the way, i smile since i am certain to give her my efforts. weird as it sounds i was deeply disappointed and wasnt expecting a reply. i really smiled… foolishly i smiled… just the way i laugh just going to their place.. they are just the two persons i know who can do this. i dont know how they do it.. but they really could… i even noticed that my bf couldnt even do such thing.. i guess im charmed by those cats’ spell. and the smile just could not get enough of me HAHA.

Analytical Thinker (AT)
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Analytical ThinkerAnalytical Thinkers are reserved, quiet persons. They like to get to the bottom of things - curiosity is one of their strongest motives. They want to know what holds the world together deep down inside. They do not really need much more to be happy because they are modest persons. Many mathematicians, philosophers and scientists belong to this type. Analytical Thinkers loathe contradictions and illogicalness; with their sharp intellect, they quickly and comprehensively grasp patterns, principles and structures. They are particularly interested in the fundamental nature of things and theoretical findings; for them, it is not necessarily a question of translating these into practical acts or in sharing their considerations with others. Analytical Thinkers like to work alone; their ability to concentrate is more marked than that of all other personality types. They are open for and interested in new information.

Analytical Thinkers have little interest in everyday concerns - they are always a little like an “absent-minded professor” whose home and workplace are chaotic and who only concerns himself with banalities such as bodily needs when it becomes absolutely unavoidable. The acknowledgement of their work by others does not play a great role for them; in general,they are quite independent of social relationships and very self-reliant. Analytical Thinkers therefore often give others the impression that they are arrogant or snobby - especially because they do not hesitate to speak their mind with their often harsh (even if justified) criticism and their imperturbable self-confidence. Incompetent contemporaries do not have it easy with them. But whoever succeeds in winning their respect and interest has a witty and very intelligent person to talk to. A partner who amazes one with his excellent powers of observation and his very dry humour.

It takes some time before Analytical Thinkers make friends, but then they are mostly friends for life. They only need very few people around them. Their most important ability is to be a match for them and thus give them inspiration. Constant social obligations quickly get on their nerves; they need a lot of time alone and often withdraw from others. Their partner must respect this and understand that this is not due to the lack of affection. Once they have decided in favour of a person, Analytical Thinkers are loyal and reliable partners. However, one cannot expect romance and effusive expressions of feelings from them and they will definitely forget their wedding anniversary. But they are always up to a night spent with stimulating discussions and a good glass of wine!

is it a sin to forget about reality and cling on to what you want to see? it shouldn’t be.. why? cause i already know its wrong yet the feeling of living outside your life seem to be much brighter than where you are right now. the fact that your ignoring facts to create this fantansy is already wrong to the people who are involved. its unfair. its injustice. yet you keep on clinging to what is wrong to create hope in you, hope that you wont face the dilemmas and uncertainty. making decisions based on these are not efficient enough. its more like LOVE. how you love a person and how this person love you back. the guilt of failing to give what is meant, the catastrophes brought by dilemmas, it piles up one after the other. til you are full. its more like LIFE. there are really just some people who are around just to see you failed, hurt, tormented and more. it kills you to know that their better, stronger and more stable than you are. but with a hope thin as a LINE it brings you back to where you started. back to reality where possibilities never end.

i just need an outlet.. i wish no body would read this.. i just need to.. ive read jj’s blog. well, she had handle it well. but not for me.. last saturday was the longest day in my life.. it seems 3 days, no its more than that.. more like a week.. when monday  came.. i was fine.. and that same day hope was lighted again.. but the next day everything went crashing down.. its like a fire, i got burnt. everything is not well. my laptop, printer, thesis. even friends, family and loved ones.

sleep.. my peaceful way to experience peace.. it seems its corrupting my activities from day to day, the sense of having a peaceful mind has been achieved by sleeping.. oversleeping.. sooner or later it will makes no sense for me, i’l be tired of finding the easiest way to escape my world.. i will only be forced to live again.. all i want is to have a laid back life.. how can it happen if i do my everyday activity which is not worth living at all..

a black thing… with white marks? no, translucent marks.. or maybe white to gray..
the angle got bigger i think.. i just peeked into in.. but it seems it is more visible now than before…

to understand yourself is one big mystery in your life that you’ll face, you may thought you liked something but in the end you’ll came to the fact that you didn’t liked it much after all. that is what i had just experience recently. i had to quit dancing before, said to myself i won’t regret, i tried to convince myself that it wouldnt be a big part of me, but then it was, i was busy hating the people who i cant fit in the group,(not all only some, others had graduated but not all) i was to try again this year yet this personality would make me feel he’s so great and all, i was intimidated to join. i’ve been trying to convince myself that i dont need such activity yet i long for it. maybe there are just things that you want badly yet you cannot have it. same as for modeling, being timid made me regret to experience the fun of walking. i feel so depressed like ive been restricted by myself to avoid activities that i would enjoy for this last loose year of my college years. at the same time, compatibility in friends are rare even now. i seems to hate everyone even myself.  there goes the bad side of life.. i wasnt permitted to join the arki ball for this arki week. sad.
anyway, theres much to do like sleeping.. is the best fun escape for me..

ang weird minsan..  bakit kasi mga maiingay di natin gusto,.. i would admit na ako’y maingay.. pero to be sensitive about your surroundings mapapansin mong na -tu-turn off unmga people sa paligid, coz reality people hate un disturbances.. feel ko.. hahaha.. but some are enthusiastic about people na maingay kasi nga parang mas adventurous ata yung ganun.. pero minsan it doesnt based sa mga gnun.. un samahan ng friends having their own world doing stuff, and how your worlds connect.. kasi nga pwdeng lagi nga kyo magkasama lagi naman kayong nagkakainisan.. or either you feel a gap in between..  anyway.. need to work on my plate.

prove to me that your happy,
prove to me your fine,
you cant hide it with smiles neither with your laughter.
what can be done to fill those sadness,
what can be done to change such gloom.
what have i done to made such eyes,
what have i done to store such pain,
what bitterness had it endured,
what caused to have such sad eyes?

a pain i cannot elude once it starts to hurt,
awkward moments has no time on its own,
once it has hit you, you’ll die  of suffering.
feeling helpless inside of you,
hard to breathe,
vulnerable,
then yoursick